I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
