i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
