So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
