I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do vagina's smell?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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