I love black thongs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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