Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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