My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
