She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
