I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
