Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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