Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
BRING THE BAGELS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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