Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
