Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
