dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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