we have officially lost it.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
