Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
