is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
