i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
