So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
