I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
