my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
