I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
