I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
