She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize