I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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