Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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