the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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