Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
