sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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