I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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