Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
