I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
