Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
