I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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