My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
