Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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