i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
