found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
