Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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