This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
