just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
