he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
