ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
