yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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