he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
