it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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