I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
