I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
