How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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