ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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