Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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