You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
