he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
