K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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