I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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