In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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