Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
