it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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