Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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