I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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