my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
