i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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