O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
