It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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