she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what day is it and did you see me today?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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