Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
