My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
