Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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