Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
